THE ROOTS OF BANYAN TREE

~ devotees of khwaja nizamuddin auliya come to offer chadar, a piece of cloth and flowers to the holy shrine, then they sprinkle attar on the tomb of this sufi saint as a form of respect and devotion, i also fall on my knees and pray to this revered sufi saint of his tomb at the dargah here ~

Day 53

11.4.2024
Thursday

Paharganj, Delhi

I have thought yesterday was Eid Mubarak in India because Malaysia was celebrating the arrival of this joyous moment yesterday. When I was at the sufi dargah, I found out the muslims were still fasting. India will celebrate Eid Mubarak one day later.

I felt I was very ignorant when I took my water bottle out from the daybag and I drank water without taking notice the muslims in the dargah were in fast. The man sitting beside me was watching my actions, and his eyes were telling I was an insensitive ignorant man. I felt bad after that.

At sufi shrine, I will usually sit in silence doing nothing. But sometimes I will tune my sensitive sensuous of my body from the inside to the outside in order to feel the holy sufi shrine. Because I like the sufi people, I learn to accept them the way they are regardless whether they come with smart, clean or new clothes, or worn-out clothes. This is a another way of meditation when I put my eyes open while my sensuous are working out to learn how I will accept people more deeply no matter they are rich or penniless. I have particularly like the boys when they visit the shrines because at this young age, they already know spirituality.

Yesterday at the auliya's dargah, I felt I wanted to sit for several hours by the tomb of the sufi masters. There was a connectivity between myself with the seen and unseen beings at most time when I was at the dargah. When I sat quietly I will sense the presence of unseen beings from their worlds overlapping with my physical world. That did not matter because chakra alam, the worlds of all the beings, may have an overlapping of territory with each other to the extent certain people or beings could feel and see each other.

This was known as harmony of chakra alam. In islam, god created and made living beings of many forms very remarkably for us to share a sort of, or kind of certain quality in getting to have knowledge of each other. I felt the creation of god was great. I did not have the extrasensory power to connect with alam as I like but very often it happened very naturally beyond my ability to control of anything. At times, I was trying to sense them, but without the wills of god in permitting the senses to happen, I did not feel anything. All these psychical phenomenon I was undergoing, they happened upon god.

I sensed a young pakistani man at his intangible territory right above the dome of the shrine. I remembered he was the man in my lucid dream when I was dreaming. I was dreaming but I realised I was dreaming very lucidly. I knew he was Ibrahim, but I could not remember his family name. Anyway, both of us were Ibrahim, when his friend called his name, we both turned to his friend.

Islam taught, and according to a malay ustad, during our deep sleep our soul may come out from the body. When the soul was out from the body, our soul will go or wander to his or her soul world. During that lucid dream, I felt my soul had come out from my body. It was not an out-of-body experience but it was an out-go split, and then detach of my host soul. I found the detached soul was much younger at around 25 of age.

Ibrahim was alarmed when my soul appeared at the gateway of the city of Islamabad, coincidentally he was there at that time in the early dawn. He had a short talk to me. He knew I was attacked by someone he called a soul terrorist. That soul terrorist had detached a piece of my soul and ditched that detached soul from my soul body far away from my home to Islamabad.

Ibrahim quickly went back to get some food for me. At that time, that soul terrorist came again. In a strong push, he had pushed me to a place I did not know where. My soul could feel when Ibrahim came back with food to the same spot where he met me, he could not find me. He was badly alarmed worrying for my safety. There, he went searching for me in the suburban of Islamabad.

When the sky was still dark, I heard fajr azan playing by the muezzin. There was a muslim house of worship nearby. I walk to that house of worship, it was a mosque. I fell on my knees at the door once I reached the mosque. I sat in vajrasana in silence. No one came to me but the people in the mosque turned their heads to me wanting to find out who had come to the mosque. They found I was oddly a person, or a soul who had a different physique and skin colour appearing at their mosque. Immediately they felt me with empathy and high in emotion because they knew I was a soul ditched by someone.

Ibrahim was searching high and low for me. When he heard the azan, immediately he had a blink of thought I may be at the mosque because he knew I liked to listen to people of faiths and teachings in the temples or mosques. He ran swiftly in rush. When he saw me, he found me sitting on my knees in the mosque. He noticed my hunger and thirst, and wounds in the bruises on the soul due to the inflicted injury caused by the soul terrorist. He cried. My tears dropped profusely seeing Ibrahim giving me his emotional consolation. I knew, Ibrahim was finally relieved to had found me in the mosque.

Then he brought me to meet his father. Immediately, his father, a sufi scholar, in a telepathic dictate, he warned the soul terrorist with a very loud voice. Ibrahim shouted to that soul terrorist, in his anger, he warned the soul terrorist, they had refrained that soul terrorist from coming to Islamabad from now on. If he came, he will be chased off by their people. Ibrahim was sad, but he asked me to come in physical body to Islamabad to meet them.

Ibrahim knew as clearly, when a healthy soul was split and detached becoming a thinner piece of soul and ditched to somewhere, now you have two depleted personality. Your senses of that piece of thin or small soul could bring you a lot of unwanted mental and emotional disturbances in the mind because a soul was still a soul, until that piece of wandering soul came return to the host soul. You may face a dual or triple or many facets of personalities when the host soul was split and detached, then into such a depleted bad condition.

Earthling Seng tells me, the piece of depleted soul is still lingering somewhere in Islamabad. He says, that depleted soul is not likely to return to the host soul by mere making a simple invitation for amalgamation. Earthling Seng says, no. I feel I agree with him. When a soul is split and detached from the soul body, until the good or bad karmic actions are summed in this state of existence, then only the souls may amalgamate. If they do not amalgamate, the outcome is, it's called dual personality syndrome in the modern sciences. Earthling Seng says further, because of the same reason, the host body may sometimes aware and conscience of what has happened in that avenue away from the host body.

~ many muslims believe their wishes are fulfilled after they offer prayer or service at a dargah of the saint they follow ~

~ today is the final day i am in india, later at 1.00 pm i am checking out from the motel and heading to the airport ~

~ this is ever the first time i buy these many t-shirts, singlets and shorts, all of 19 pieces at one go, my empty big bag is filled to the brim with these new clothes buying from the shop in main bazaar of paharganj last night ~

Day 52

10.4.2024
Wednesday

Paharganj, Delhi

Today is Eid. Eid al-Fitr is the holiday celebrated within islam. It is celebrated by muslims worldwide because it marks the end of the month long dawn-to-sunset fasting of ramadhan. Eid is a gazetted holiday to most of the states but it is not a national holiday in India. Later I will go to the dargah of a sufi saint known as khwaja Nizamuddin auliya because today is Eid. I am not going to jamaa masjid because the entry ticket is expensive. Any foreign visitor as long as you are not an indian, you would have to pay Rs 300 just to get into the mosque disregard you are entering the mosque for visit or prayer. I have wanted to sit in the large central sahn, or known as the huge courtyard of the mosque but now I decide not to go there.

Last night before the shops closing, I manage to do the shopping before I fly home tomorrow. I go to the main bazaar of Paharganj to find for the clothes I wear in normal days. It has been a while I do not buy new clothes for myself. Because I rarely wear a formal shirt, so I buy t-shirts. I also buy singlets and shorts. I pick all white or bright colour outfits. I do not pick any clothes in dark or black fabrics. I tell the shopkeeper to pick for me all the clothes I want, and they have to be made of pure cotton. I tell him not to pick any clothes for me that are made of polyester, satin or soft feel velvet. I emphasise several times to him to pick only clothes made of cotton.

When I put all the clothes into the big plastic bag I bring from home, I have a full bag to the brim. I fear I may not be able to carry all of them in the haversack. When the shopkeeper counts the clothes I buy from him, he tells me I have to carry a load of 19 pieces of all of them. All together, I pay for a sum of Rs 4,350, or RM 256 for one full bag of clothes.

I do not bargain hard to pull down the prices of the clothes I buy from the shopkeeper. I feel, I have to spend some money and I am not critical to pay him above the ordinary prices the local indians pay. So long the prices are not exorbitantly costing me an arm and a leg, and I am not paying through the nose, I am fine with the prices. Anyway, I pay him with the money I get from the moneybelt. I feel thankful to him because he is a good seller, and I manage to find many pieces of white shorts from him when it is difficult to get them in KL. After that, I squeeze all of them in the big plastic bag before I go back to the room.

I am spending and I am very clear in mind I am not doing a spree. I am very cautious and alert not to overly buy under the influence of nafsu, or a lust of a desire to buy or own something. You may argue, buying 19 pieces of outfits at one go why shouldn't it a shopping spree. I buy because I need to replace the very old garments I have been wearing at home. Since I am already in India, why not buying the wardrobe garments here because of the availability of choices and saving to buy them here than in KL.

The sanskerta acharya has always reminded me to watch my traits in everything I do. So, I am cautious when I spend last night.

He also told me, I need to sit low, sleep low and eat proper meals. I remember his sayings and advice. When I sit low, I see people above me. On usual note, ego is high and pride is above people when we sit high. It is because when we sit high, we tend to look down. If you don't look down while sitting high, then how would you communicate with people around you. When you look down, you will think you are better than someone. You will afford a downward view and your personality will change not within a day or two, but after a long while, you will regard the lower people with despise and contempt because you dictate. Don't sit high, sit low. It is better to sit on the floor than on a couch or sofa. In the hindu temples, we sit lowly on the floor. That will keep to remind us to live with plenty of humility.

We need to sleep low at all times. Sleep low doesn't only mean sleep lowly on the floor but also including managing the luxury of beautiful comfort we get to enjoy in our daily life. If you sleep high on a big, soft and cosy bed, you tend to let loose your inner self very quickly and totally. According to the sanskerta acharya again, we need to restrain ourselves from over indulging in comfort. When we sleep high, we are in a bad state of critical mind of everything, we can't tolerate even a small flaw or mark distorting the beautiful comfort we are attaching to, and we can't live without them. We are critical for physical comfort. Then you become a very difficult and hard to please person. Temper will definitely flare affecting the people around you, and you demonstrate a bad personality in you.

We must also eat a three proper-meal a day. According to the sanskerta acharya again, if you come from north India, you eat the staple of chapati. But if you are a south indian, you eat rice. I am from the malay archipelago, so I eat rice accordingly. Eating properly the staple of white rice meals make me introspect of my origin, about where I come from. That also includes reminding my eating time, I have to live with full discipline in everything I do. I eat to live. Many people have forgotten about the discipline while eating rice. The way we choose our food tells the whole story of our personality in silence.

Today is the second last day I'll be in India. I will be flying back to KL tomorrow.

~ i ignite the hindu incense sticks in the room with the flame of matches, the fragrance coming out from the smoke keeps me light and brings connectivity in me with hindu gods ~

Day 51

9.4.2024
Tuesday

Paharganj, Delhi

Two days ago, I went to hare krishna mandir in Kalkaji Mandir. It was sunday and the mandir was very crowded. The hall entry was blocked with a barricade in lines. No one was able to sit on the floor in the inner prayer hall. We only could go in by following the lined barricade, then went through the resting place of the idols of krishna, and there we got out through the exit barricade.

So, I decided to sit outside in the compound of the huge mandir of hare krishna. I found a quieter place, at the steps of the staircase on the side near the bookstore selling plenty of spiritual books. I was sitting there for nearly three hours because I found the place I sat was less busy from the human traffic than other areas in the main mandir. I was at joy sitting alone on the dusty staircase.

I heard house sparrows cheeping songs. There I noticed many house sparrows resting above me on the tree. One sparrow dropped faeces on my hand. The sparrow's faeces was not a contaminated shit because sparrows generally fed on grains. They were clean. So, I cleaned the dropped faeces with another hand and I brushed it off on the dirt below my feet. I like house sparrows because they brought tidings and joyous news if you listened to them carefully enough and attentively.

I let my eyes closed when my inner self was at meditative mood. But my inner child wanting to rest lullaby. So, I took it easy by opening the eyes from closing. I meditated for the notion to stabilise the disarray prana in the body. I tried to feel every energy centre with the body senses and at the same time I watched my breath. I was not too tight nor relaxed. I was at a comfortable mood for meditation. This time, very quickly in less than a minute, I was able to wake all the seven energy centres from sleeping dormant in the energy body.

Meaning to say, I roused the chakras at first, after that, I felt each one of them. They felt like elastic crystal balls. At that time, I watched my breath. The breath was like the fuel to the engines of the cars. When there was fuel, the burning of fuel would turn it into energy and thus making the car to mobile. Likewise, when there was breathing, the lungs will bring oxygen to the energy centres thus the prana was activated in the body. This will keep the third eye alert.

The meditation was going about fine when I broke the energy centres into two segments. They were upper and lower parts of my energy body. The heart was the middle of seven chakras, so there were three chakras above and another three chakras below. I was manipulating the size of the concentrated energy and I felt I needed to expand them bigger. When the pulse of the energy was in a proper size, not too small but also not too big, only then they will generate and retain prana in the chakras. However, I still couldn't bring the prana-fire up and down from one energy centre to another. Anyway, it was a good start.

I felt all the seven chakras in my body were breathing. If you did not call them breathing, they were actually spinning now. I let them be because I couldn't control such an ethereal bodily shift. I enjoyed that kind of feeling in my body. It was a beautiful process. It happened very slowly and unnoticed, that was a growing process I had gone about for 15 years.

Now, I felt I was able to rest better because the chakras in my body, especially the lower chakras were more relaxed. Before this I can't rest them at the same time in one go. When there was imbalance in the energy wheels, I will need to inflate or deflate the concentrated energy in the energy body with so much of troubles.

The ethereal bodily shift came very naturally. It came through because of my age, not because of how I strained for a breakthrough upon meditation. I was more mature physically, mentally and most important spiritually now than before. I always remembered the advice of the sanskerta acharya, hindus should not tune to expand the auric fields and let the auric energy taking up the space of the intangible body, with a motive to attract fame, popularity and celebrity. That wide expand of auras in one's subtle body through the release of energy from the energy centres carried a vice meaning. There was proud and ego but no humility in us.

When I was still sitting on the steps of the staircase meditating with opened eyes, I felt a man was getting close and closer to me not in physical form but in the notion of energy coming out from the heart. I felt odd and weird. So, I paid some attention to it. Immediately, I felt a white man, and he should exist in physical form not far from my seat. I had no vision of him but my heart felt him very slowly. Then until one point, I felt our hearts were overlapped. That meant, two hearts were overlapped into one. After that, I felt his desires and wishes in his heart. I felt quite a strong sensation in the heart of his heart. He had a certain amount of sayings about the state of my spiritual growth and recent breakthrough.

He was aware I was aware of his presence. He was silent in telepathy but I felt him in the heart, his heart was saying - how nice you are able to manipulate your energy centres so relax, and the difficult part I couldn't do it till now, it is the expansion of energy from the energy wheels to the auric body, and making the auric body in balance and strong.

I responded to him in the heart, I said - I am not in control with the energy centres, and I know very little what they are all about. I mere witness the energy body very cautiously for one reason, I need to get my physical and energy body aligned for better health.

The white man said to me - I don't need a flying carpet to reach you. I am mere flying to you instantaneously.

I felt he was being cheeky to say as such.

But he retracted his words, when he felt his heart had overbeating, in a way overspoken to me. I felt him, he had no intention to spy me or deliberately overlap his heart with my heart. It was such a coincidental bang. Maybe I had, or he had, done something out of extraordinary in that afternoon that caused the heart overlapping in us.

I felt his heart, he had been learning meditation for many years and he was still learning to get a breakthrough in it. He had wanted but, he had not reached the stage as he desired. He suggested, I had been born a serious seeker.

I told him - the little child in me is a problem I need to treat the trouble of my inner child, who had been talking very profusely every time when I am quiet down.

~ the matches, in hindi is machis, i use them to ignite the flame of the inner child to bring connectivity with spiritual scholars, guru or auliya, tomorrow is eid mubarak, i will bring this inner flame to nizamuddin auliya at his tomb where this sufi saint was buried several hundred years ago in delhi ~

~ before the entry gate, we need to surrender our mobile phones, cameras, all other electronic gadgets and including day bags to the cloakroom, and no photography is allowed once entering the gate of akshardham site, so i take the photo of akshardham temple from the picture hanging on the wall of the metro station ~

Day 49

7.4.2024
Sunday

Paharganj, Delhi

Yesterday Jasmine and I went to Akshardham. Akshardham is a hindu temple and spiritual-cultural campus located in the heart of Delhi, close to the border of Noida. The complex displays traditional and modern hindu culture, making people awing into those ethereal architectures and immersing to marvel their spiritual legacy of hinduism. This is a tribute to swaminarayan, a great sage of hinduism, who has lived from 1781 to 1830. The Akshardham temple was inducted into the guinness world records in 2007 for being the world's largest comprehensive hindu temple that attracting visitors from all over the world.

We took a metro to Akshardham station on the blue line. We did not ride on an autorickshaw of the last mile to Akshardham because the place we intended to go was just 15 minutes away on foot from the metro station. Akshardham temple is built on a very vast site. After visiting the temple and its beautiful architectures, I reckon the temple sits on at least a 30 acre land with that temple situates in the middle of this land pulse. If you are not sure how large is Akshardham, then you visualise 30 football fields, and that would be its size in awe.

We paid for the entrance tickets before getting into the theatre. The short film was a show in narrating how swaminarayan went through his spiritual paths when he was a child-yogi till he reached his adulthood. We watched the short film in the IMAX theatre where the film was projected on a giant screen ten times larger than any silver screens found in the modern cinemas. We were supplied with headphones for audio translation. By the time when the theatre started, I tuned the headphones for audio but the headphones did not work its way. It couldn't function. So, I decided to enjoy the short film in hindi without dubbing.

I asked Jasmine why there was a boat ride in the middle of the land that had no river flowing on it. At first I thought there was a natural canal. When we were on the boat, I found the boats were flowing on the water that was a man-made small and narrow canal. Akshardham was a very touristic theme, when Jasmine told me, the ride was making people think of Disneyland park. There was a musical fountain aiming as the puller to the crowd of visitors who will come in the evening just to see the stunning fountain dancing along with the musics and lights. We did not intend to stay late to see that musical fountain in choreographed dances.

The temple architecture was stunning, very nice and beautiful but no one was supposed to sit on the floor of the temple. The temple was a tribute to swaminarayan with a big statue of him sitting in the middle of the temple. There were small signboards erected on the pillars restricting people from sitting on the floor. You can't do your sadhana in the temple because of this restriction. The site was absolutely a great civilisation and I like them all, but at the same time I felt, I would not visit this temple for another time because the place was more suitable for tourism. I rarely went to touristic sites where entry tickets must be bought before immersing myself in the crowd of tourists and visitors.

At the water station when I was filling my water bottle, a man asked me, "Kya aapako yah pasand hai?"

I thought for a second what that meant in hindi. Then I got it - kya aapako was translated as do you, and pasand in hindi meant like. So, the whole short sentence should be translated as, do you like it?

I replied to him, saying, "Mujhe ya pasand hai!"

I had deeply wished I could speak hindi. I had wanted to converse with the hindustanis in hindi when I felt hindi was a very beautiful language to speak.

Later today, Jasmine and I will go to the krishna mandir again. However, I feel a little disturbed when I think of the loud speakers tuning to blast in the mandir that afternoon when we were there. I avoid loud noises coming from loud speakers because I have hearing loss in one ear. I must take care of the other side of ear with extra care. I feel the indians are a community of noise tolerant people.

I will clad in all white later because I am going to pray to krishna. He is often called lord krishna, he is one of the most widely worshiped and popular hindu deities. He is the god of protection, compassion, tenderness, and love, and is widely revered among hindu divinities.

Tomorrow we are going to Mathura. Mathura is a sacred city in Uttar Pradesh, in north India. The deity krishna is said to have been born on the site of Sri Krishna Janma Bhoomi, now known as the temple attributes to him. We will leave the motel very early by 4.45 am in order to catch the 7.08 am train at Nizamuddin railway station which is 11 km away from our motel in Paharganj. We are expecting to ride on the train for one-and-a-half hours before arriving at Mathura Junction.

So, there is no blogging tomorrow.

~ the huge gathering of iskcon's devotees after the curtain is pulled open, many dances through the kirtan ~

Day 48

6.4.2024
Saturday

Paharganj, Delhi

I feel I want to stay longer in India. I have spent nearly 50 days in India. Next thursday Jasmine and I will fly home. I have no idea when I would come to India again because in the recent ten years, I have travelled a lot to India very constantly. At times, I go India three times in the span of two years. India gives me a transformational travel experience and I am regaining my mental health very slowly that I have missed out in life. The white collar job sitting in the air-conditioned room is already wiped out from my path several years ago. I feel I need to work for some money when I return home from this trip. I need to figure out what I should do next.

We took the metro to Kalkaji Mandir station yesterday after lunch. We intended to go to both the Krishna Temple of Iskcon and Lotus Temple of Baha'i faith. Both the mandirs, the abode of gods were not far apart. I suggested to Jasmine, after we visited the lotus temple, we should go to krishna temple. In my heart, the highlight of yesterday's itinerary was visiting krishna temple. I had wanted to sit quietly for several hours in the presence of lord Krishna because I wished to tell him, in evidencing how my personality had changed a little at a time in these ten years, my devotion to god had not changed. My sadhana got heightened and I felt a deeper maturity every time after I returned home from backpacking in India.

India has given a platform to me to grow spiritually and mentally. As I feel grateful to my family for giving me so much of spiritual support at the phase of life when I am at a low consciousness, I have an equal thankful to this spiritual land of India for giving me a platform to walk my sadhana without restricting me under any obligations to pay my indebtedness while I am in India. I feel free to choose the path of my sadhana in India.

At Iskcon, Jasmine bought a bottle of ointment and a small bottle of attar oil. At the shelve near the ointment counter, I noticed the bhagavad geeta had a series of worldwide languages. The bhagavad geeta in its origin of sanskrit was translated into the languages of many countries. I found one of them, at the upper shelve, printed on its cover a title of the indonesian language. I wanted that book immediately. When I asked the caretaker of the counter to bring it down for me to peruse, he had said, those versions of translated bhagavad geeta were not for sale. They were for display only. He asked me, whether I read indonesian. I told him, the malay and indonesian were one of the same. We were only different in the accent.

The caretaker of the counter told me, they have only one copy each of the bhagavad geeta translated in foreign languages. That explained, these books were not for sale. I told him I was very much in a great relish wanted to own it. He responded with a suggestion, he asked me to get that book in Iskcon of Vrindavan because those books came from there.

Several days ago, I was thinking where would I find the books printed in malay sanskerta. Now, I found the title. I may need to get it from elsewhere if not from Vrindavan. I did not have time left to go Vrindavan in this trip. In my mind, perhaps, I may find this book in Indonesia. Anyway, I was not in hurry to own this book.

Learning a classical language may take a lot of patience till I find a suitable reading material. I may need to wait till I am ready to absorb the knowledge. If I wish to learn a language, then I should just go ahead and do it. But sometimes, I do believe in destiny. If I am not destined for those things to realise, I would not succeed anyhow I strive for it. At 50, I aware there are plenty of things I could not put in control. It is the destiny that will take above. I tell myself, if the book comes to me that easily, I may lose the full meaning of acquiring that knowledge in it.

The first time I encountered hare krishna was at 10. When I was still a boy, I had a dream. At that time, I did not know what was krishna and the movement of hare krishna was about. I lived in the small town when at that time there was totally no computers and internet. In the dream, I saw five brothers, the gopis of hare krishna arrived with a chariot at the intersection of the streets near the house where I stayed. I called them gopis because they had a very weird hair fashion. I found they were very odd because they almost had a clean shave but maintain a shikha, or a ponytail at the back of their heads. I felt the gopi brothers were some people not ever found in my community where we did not shave our head like that. I did not see any oxen pulling the chariot. The gopi brothers were pulling that chariot. I had a very vivid image of the chariot because there was a gold statue of krishna sitting in it. Then, I saw the gopis giving prasadam to the people as they pulled the chariot.

There was a reverential feeling to the chariot but at the same time, I felt very scared seeing the gopi brothers because they looked strong, sturdy and serious. They came to our neighbourhood with a task, when everyone could feel their presence. They had wanted to introduce krishna to the people in our town. At that moment, I saw an indian man came to me with a short message. He spoke to me in malay. I still remembered what he had said, "This is krishna's chariot. This is the abode of krishna. When you grow up one day, you have to return to him. You belong to him. Remember he is krishna!" After saying his piece of message to me, he left. Looking back now, at 10, I was not able to comprehend his message. I only understood one, and that was the highlight he brought to me. He had asked me to devote to that hindu deity when I grew up.

In my mind, there were too many hindu deities and I found difficult to remember their names. So at that young age, any hindu deities in encountering, I called them - the gods belonged to the indian people. My school was very near to an old hindu temple. When I was listening to that indian man who came to me in the dream, immediately I felt the hindu temple near my school was a divine abode to krishna. Everyday there were many hindu devotees came to worship and offer prayers for the manifestation of divinity by the hindu gods. Until I was 35, I had a very strong belief that the temple was a krishna temple. Only later I found out that the hindu temple was a seat and body of lord muruga. Anyway, every time when I returned to my hometown, I will visit that temple and I deeply carried a notion in my heart, krishna was sitting in the sanctum of that temple.

In recent year, one day, I remember someone whom I could not see with my eyes but audible to me, he could have come from else spiritual world, he talks to me with a lack of understanding why the devotees of hare krishna in expressing devotion to krishna, they would do it through dancing into the songs. He says, in their krishna mandir, bliss comes from transforming material energy to spiritual energy in complete silence through prayer and meditation in their guru's presence. They observe total silence and always be in meditative mood. So, they do not dance but sitting in strict vajrasana in the mandir. This is our sankirtan, he says to me.

~ photo is taken from the pathway after the entry gate of the lotus temple of baha'i faith ~

~ this is a jain tirthankara not buddha, tirthankaras in jainism sit in lotus pose like a meditative buddha when they are depicted in paintings, sculptures or idols, the tirthankaras usually appear without wearing clothes ~

Day 47

5.4.2024
Friday

Paharganj, Delhi

Yesterday Jasmine and I ate an early lunch by the street before noon. Then we took a metro to Lal Quila station because we decided to visit the jain mandir near chandni chowk. At jain mandir, we left our sandals at the shoe racks. Then we went up to the first floor where we saw many idols of tirthankaras, the supreme teachers of the righteous path of the jains.

We sat at the low chairs in front of the altar of the tirthankaras. I felt very comfortable sitting in this jain mandir on their chair. So, I suggested to Jasmine, we would sit for an hour while do nothing but resting.
.
I was almost falling asleep after some time sitting on the chair because at that time, I felt the wheels of energy in my body were comfortably stable. Usually I will feel serenity and calm in mind after doing the mind adjustments in correcting myself every night or morning, or at anytime when I needed to correct the wrong of speech or an act that may block the true of myself. I had to get into this extent, making my speech was my heart's desire, and therefore my actions were my thoughts' intent. I need to synchronise my thoughts and heart, then the blockage of energy in the energy wheels will go minimal.

While resting, very quickly my mind tuned out from the physical realm. Immediately I was at someone's kitchen. I saw a man, looked fairer of skin, but I was sure he was from north India, and he was an indian. He was making chapati without needing a rolling pin. He did not notice I was watching him. Then I saw a woman. She was wearing a bright yellow colour saree. She asked the man, whether the chapatis were ready.

The woman sensed someone was watching them. Then, they turned their eyes to me wondering who was I. They were not shocked of my presence. She stopped from talking to the man in the kitchen. Immediately, she switched her body towards me, wanting to talk to me in a friendly mood. I could feel them in the very light senses of mood.

At that time Earthling Seng quickly came, I heard him talking to the woman in the bright yellow saree. The woman told Earthling Seng, the man in the kitchen making plenty of chapatis was her brother. Then she asked Earthling Seng, "Can I pack for this man sitting in the jain mandir some chapatis? Can I?"

Earthling Seng replied to her, saying, "He is going to gurdwara sahib later. He will be eating his dinner there. Perhaps you don't have to pack any food for him."

The man in the kitchen said, he had wanted me to demonstrate to him how I float so quickly without extra effort in adjusting the eye of the mind in my head to their vibrating frequency. I had not spoken a word because I feared I may interrupt the frequency of the minds between them and me. The mind connection with them was an accidental bang.

I quickly scanned my body fearing my senses were running out of control. I felt the wheels of energy in my body were immensely active because my mind after the bang was madly exasperating. So, whether I liked it or not, I had to hold each one of the chakras tight in one breath.

Earthling Seng thanked them for the offering of chapatis to me but he said, his father had directed him to keep an eye on me while I was in India. I was aware of his father since I was younger. His father had said, he was not a guru but a teacher who committed to guide people away from distress in family matters of the people they knew in Nepal.

Thereafter, my logical mind was telling illogically how would I eat the chapatis when I was physically here and they were somewhere around in other place. The psychiatrists had warned me about the serious effect of mental illusions like this occurrence, because according to the psychiatrists, when I dealt with any illogical occurrences in the mind, that I could not find their logic, so they were mental illusions. A chronic mental illusion patient will need to undergo a heavier medicinal treatment.

Anyway, I sensed the man in the kitchen and woman in bright yellow saree were not souls coming from the soul world. They were human beings exist in physical bodies from somewhere nearby.

After about more than an hour sitting meditating and in sleepy mood, we left the mandir for Jamaa Masjid.

In jainism, the religion teaches that the path to enlightenment is through nonviolence and reducing harm to living things including plants and animals as much as possible. Some jains also restrict themselves from eating any bread that is risen by yeast. Like hindus and buddhists, jains believe in reincarnation. This cycle of birth, death, and rebirth is determined by one's karma.

Jains have 24 tirthankaras, and they believe the tirthankaras are a saviour and supreme spiritual teacher of the dharma of the righteous path they are following in their daily lives.

~ the footprints on the floor of the metro stations are a good navigation, when i follow these footprints, i'll not get lost in the extensively huge stations of the city metro of delhi ~

Day 46

4.4.2024
Thursday

Paharganj, Delhi

I need to get the terminals of the IGI airport correct. There are 3 terminals in New Delhi. Two terminals, T1 and T2 are domestic terminals and T3 is international terminal. That is for sure. Last night when I took the metro to the airport, I had taken the same metro lines I came to Paharganj several weeks ago. When I arrived in Delhi, from the airport, I took the magenta line metro, and after riding on the metro for six stations, I changed the line at the interchange station at Hauz Khas into yellow line. From this yellow line metro, I took another ten stations before arriving at Paharganj. So last night, I assumed if I took the metro in the sequential, but on the reverse direction, I should be arriving at the international arrival gate of the IGI airport. However, there was a great confusion when I arrived at the metro station of the airport.

I was told I had arrived at the wrong airport terminal. The international arrival at Terminal 3 was 5 km away from the metro station. I was greatly confused. So after I got out from the metro, I had to take a taxi to T3 before I would arrive at the international arrival gates. I decided I needed to go to the airport one more time by metro in finding out the exact terminals correctly before departure for home next thursday.

The metro in Delhi is very extensive, which is two to three times more extensive than the commuter system in Kuala Lumpur. In the congesting and traffic choking areas such as Old Delhi, all the metro stations are underground built tunnels. The areas connecting Old Delhi spreading into the several railway stations and to the nearby commercial centres, they have all underground stations too. Some metro stations have very deep tunnels, they are into three to four storeys down from the ground surface.

A metro commuter has told me, if I could not find the direction, or lose my way into the next interchange stations at the metro stations, I should look for the footprints that have colours sticking on the floor of the metro stations. For example, later if I need to interchange on a violet line, when I come out from the metro of another line, I should look out for the footprints in violet, then follow the prints of feet and I should be led to the train of the violet line. It's a very creative way of leading the confused metro commuters who are not familiar with the metro system of Delhi.

Last night, Jasmine's flight was delayed by half and hour. At first, I thought we would be able to take the last metro at 11.20 pm when she had come out from the arrival gate. But by the time Jasmine was out at the gate, it was already 11.40 pm. We had missed the last metro. At that time, we were left with two choices, it would be either we take a taxi or go by bus to the city centre. When I checked with the bus conductor, the city bus in the airport was running 24 hours. When I confirmed with the conductor of the bus again, he said to me, yes, the city buses at the arrival terminal were running non-stop at regular hours.

We decided to take the city bus. The bus took nearly an hour to reach new delhi railway station situated right in the mid pulse of the bustling city. Paharganj was only a mile away from the railway station that had two entry gates. The gate nearer to our motel was called Paharganj Gate. The opposite side of Paharganj Gate was known as Ajmeri Gate. The bus stopped for us to get down at Ajmeri Gate. So, we had to walk the last mile, from Ajmeri Gate then got through the luggage x-ray belt for detection of any explosives, and out through the Paharganj Gate before we reached our motel.

The attendant of the motel insisted, we must register with him of Jasmine's arrival to his motel at that time in the midnight. By the time we settled with the registration, it was already 2 am.

This morning, I wake up at 7 am. I send a message through whatsapp to Jasmine, telling her to drink more water because the weather in Delhi is getting hot and very dry. We may get dehydrated very easily and quickly.

~ the city bus leaves the airport, seeing the bus conductor collecting bus fares from the commuters, and we pay Rs75 for two people riding on the bus to paharganj ~

~ i am back to gulshan motel, jasmine and i will stay in this motel till next thursday before the departure for home ~

~ i update the travel map on travellerspoint, before i leave delhi for kuala lumpur next week, i'll be going to mathura, situating on the banks of jumna river, the birthplace of krishna and a place revering by hindus for pilgrimage tour ~

Day 45

3.4.2024
Wednesday

Paharganj, Delhi

The backpacking trip is coming to an end very soon. On thursday evening next week, I will fly home from Delhi with SriLankan airlines. I buy the air ticket on a budget three months ago. Because I'll be flying on a budget airlines, I assume they would not serve inflight meals on board. I think of bringing some samosa along with me in the hand-carry bag. I like samosa quite a lot. The caution I have in mind is, I need to watch out for the oil that is used to fry the samosa. Some food carts in the streets are using recycled frying oil without replacing the frying pots with fresh oil after using them for many times. I will need to spy on the condition of the frying oil and making sure the oil is not too dark, thick and concentrated before I buy the samosa from them.

I have one final destination to go before flying home. I plan to make it a day trip to Mathura by train on next monday. If the train tickets for a return trip on the same day are available, I will go to Mathura. Otherwise, I will stay in Delhi till I fly home. I have no intention to take a bus in my mind because I feel very comfortable to travel by train. In travelling by bus, I feel no ease because sometimes I get motion sickness even the bus is not scaling the winding slopes. Mathura is about 160 km away from Paharganj. The train will take less than three hours to arrive at this city. Mathura is the birthplace of Sri Krishna, if you are not aware of this city on your mind.

I have a visitor coming from my home country to pay me a visit while I am still in Delhi. According to the flight tickets I received on the whatsapp, Jasmine should be arriving at the IG international airport tonight. She should be touching down by 10.05 pm. Her arrival is considered a late night entry to Delhi. I need to find out what time does the metro end before I am able to make any decision to bring her to Paharganj of the backpackers' enclave where we are going to stay for a week.

Jasmine has been to India before but she has not ridden on a train. I text her on the mobile phone, I tell her, we are going to travel on train to Mathura of my final destination next week. The remaining days for about a week, we are going to explore the sites of spiritual centres and temples, and some monumental places in Delhi. Travelling on train for three hours is an exciting happening but I feel, if anyone would get to sleep overnight on a sleeper train, that would be a greater experience of getting in contact with the local people of India.

We are on a huge wrong interpretation of visa law that has been relaxed for travellers to travel between India and Malaysia. The recent news has reported to say, the indian travellers and visitors are waived from the need to apply for a travel visa, and they can travel in Malaysia for a period of 14 days visa free.

Jasmine and I are in a wrong that we assume there is a reciprocal relax of travel visa granting to malaysian travellers by the indian government. Only on yesterday afternoon, we take notice that malaysian travellers are still bound to apply for travel visa, be it a day when we get in to India. Anyway, the speed e-visa application has been submitted by Jasmine yesterday. We keep our fingers crossed hoping to get the visa by noon today.

I have updated the travel map on this blog, and it is ready to view by any blog readers now. I feel the days have just passed very quickly. The backpacking trip for 8 weeks is coming to an end very soon next week.

~ i wake up at 4.00 am, everyone is sleeping soundly and some snoring loudly on the bunk sleepers, i take a self photo, a visible evidence of myself when i am on the upper bunk doing people-watching how mankind lives so peaceful with no fracas within this small coach that crams with bunk beds ~

Day 44

2.4.2024
Tuesday

Paharganj, Delhi

The ticketing agent was able to foresee I would get a conversion of my train ticket on waiting list into a confirmed ticket based on his experience dealing with the indian railways, as he confidently iterated to me. He asked me to check online or go to the ticketing counter in Udaipur City railway station to get it confirmed at the final hour. What he had expected came true. When the final ticketing charts were released an hour before departure, around hundred tickets on waiting list were confirmed with bunk sleepers. That meant, many first-hand ticket holders had cancelled their trips last minute before the train departed from Udaipur.

I was allocated a bunk sleeper of the middle bunk out of the three-tier sleepers. Because beside me, there was a family of five people travelled on the train, they wanted to sleep together, so they asked me to change my middle bunk with her daughter's side upper bunk sleeper. I agreed, as long as there was a bunk sleeper for me to sleep. That would suffice to take a rest over the night.

I had left the hostel at 12.30 pm. Earlier before the ticket was confirmed, I worried I may not have a proper sleep in that night when I needed to sleep on the floor of the train, so I took an afternoon nap on the platform's floor while waiting for the train to come. I was very tired and once I slept, I had slept for two hours. Beside me were many people resting or sleeping at the waiting platform. I was just observing the habitual behaviour like one local indian of what they did while waiting long hours at the railway station.

I was aware both Moustaffa and Earthling Seng were with me in my mind while sleeping. I was too tired to pay attention to them, but the conversation between them was arresting my subconscious mind because they were having a dialogue about my intention of finding a way to learn sanskrit language. I had a deep thought during this trip, and the trip is about ending, I need a plan to go about what I should do next.

As usual Moustaffa was a man of few words. He had been very polite and unassuming. He was talking to Earthling Seng, but I only heard Earthling Seng's voice in the sleep. Moustaffa had wanted Earthling Seng to tell me, if I learn sanskrit, I should do the sanskrit in the malay version, known as sanskerta, which is also the classical language of the people living in the malay archipelago. When Java has many hindu kingdoms some three thousand years ago, such as Mataram, Srivijaya or Majapahit, or even Langkasuka, the hindu sanskrit has made an immense inroad influencing on the old malay or ancient java language. So, the modern language we are using in this malay archipelago today is an evidence of transformation of old sanskerta language.

Moustaffa knew I was searching for sanskrit books in India. He said it would be very tough to learn the sanskerta language on my own. In learning this very old classical language, I need a teacher to teach me. At better position, I need a guru, a hindu guru to guide me through. According to Moustaffa, the learning of this old classical language is also a way of deepening my sadhana while practising hinduism. But he insisted to Earthling Seng, let me do the sanskerta instead of sanskrit.

The sanskerta and sanskrit are one of the same. The only difference is, the sanskerta is the old malay language used in the malay archipelago several thousand years ago. On the other hand, the sanskrit is the ancient language of the hindus in India. The sanskerta's roots come from sanskrit texts. The sanskerta is written in roman alphabets but sanskrit is a vedic ancient literature written in its distinct texts. I agreed with Moustaffa, because sanskrit is written in its distinct texts, it is tough to pick up by a beginner like me. The sanskerta is also tough to learn, but because of its texts written in roman alphabets, it is more learning friendly.

Moustaffa said, there are many sanskerta books in Indonesia. Sanskerta language was the lingua-franca in this malay archipelago during the heights of the hindu kingdom when the people in the malay archipelago were hindus. So, there are many good books I may find in Indonesia.

Moustaffa also asked Earthling Seng to tell me, he had spoken to the acharya, a hindu religious teacher who illustriously is a learned person in sanskerta in another world. According to the acharya, anyone who speaks and writes in malay from this archipelago will adapt to this classical sanskerta very quickly because malay language is inspired from sanskerta. The acharya had said the same connotation Moustaffa did. Sanskerta is learning friendly because the modern malay language has too many sanskerta loan words. According to googles, 40% of the sanskerta loan words can be found in the modern malay language. But some scholars have claimed, at least half of the vocabulary words in the mordern malay language comes from classical sanskerta.

I have not seen the hindu acharya whom has spoken to Moustaffa, but in this year very recent, I feel his presence in the space of my heart when I introspect deeply during meditation, and my minds and emotions are calmed down by his presence in the heart.

I agree with them. I should do sanskerta slowly but not in rush. I find the old classical sanskerta book in the public library in Shah Alam two years ago, but later I could not find them on the shelves anymore. Those old books are put on reading in the library only but not for taking out, however, I do not know why these books are missing. When I get home, I will try to find some books written in sanskerta to read. It's difficult to find these books in this time.

~ each compartment has three tiers of bunk sleepers, the middle tier is the toughest bunk because the commuter is in between the lower and upper sleepers ~

~ i wake up after sleeping for two hours on the floor in the mid afternoon like any local indians, resting on the floor is not a taboo, there is no hoo-ha for it ~

~ the statistic of viewer traffic of the blog shows the page views and visits, seeing this statistic, i am motivated to write ~

Day 43

1.4.2024
Monday

Udaipur, Rajashtan

i)
It has been a very long while I do not check the statistic of the viewer traffic on my blogpost. So, I get to check very quickly how has my blogpost going recently. When there are no new postings, the traffic will stagnant down. I get active again in this trip and I do a posting every day. In good spirit I get to know my blogs have achieved a hit of 425 thousand of viewers. This doesn't come to me in a month or year, but it is an accumulated deposit of postings for ten years. Every time when I go travel, I'll try to write about my journey as much as I could. So, this is the outcome I get from the writing.

I have also past the 200th posting recently.

When I begin to write ten years ago, I take several long hours to complete a post. As I persist to write, I find I write faster now. I notice I have a little improvement as I continue to write but due to the limited all word usage, I may write with low articulate in expressing my feeling and impression accurately. This is the aspect I need a lot of improvement.

I am writing, and I am thinking of becoming a travel writer. But that will take a long while because I need to improve my writing skill first. This blog is used by me as a platform to write. However, I speak very little english. Very often, I speak without able to show it behaviourally correct. I almost do not speak english. My listening skill is also not rated good. When I tune into the news in english on television, I have to listen to it very attentively and carefully, only then I understand what has been reported. Please do not ask me why, how about I could not understand my niece and nephew who have studied in international school in Shanghai, when they speak to me in english with almost a perfect accent and I am lost. This is a language mastery I am lacking a lot.

ii)
I get a palm reading yesterday. I have wanted to know how do I fare in my health because I feel my health is deteriorating with several illnesses. Because of the recent nasal infection, I am worried that the infection in the nose may be a malign disease. I ask the palmist several times to read the lines and other features of my hand especially in the palms and fingers more deeply, because I have wanted to obtain an assurance whether my health is manageable.

The palmist says that my health overall is good. He asks me not to worry about the little illnesses I am facing now. He also says, I would have long-lived when he inspects the life line on the palm. He repeats with an assurance, he says, I have to do away with the worry. How would I not worry when I have nasal infection with pus oozes out from the inner tip of the nostril. I am also down with walking if I want to stride fast, I would need to watch out for the injury of the snapping hips that pull down to both the knees. Then, my left socket in the shoulder is cracking because the socket is loose due to the long distance swimming for many years. The slip disc on the back of my body is another difficult problem to take care. And my heart problem is haunting me a lot.

The palmist however has said something soothing my emotions after inspecting the lines of fate, he says, I am given two chances by god to delve in anything I have not been able to complete. I ask him to elaborate in more detail, but he says, he can't read further. On the positive side, when god gives me chances to realign my mistakes and opportunities, I can't be anymore glad to know this news from the palmist.

iii)
The exhaust fan has been spinning intermittently even I do not press the switch. When it is spinning, not long after a while it will stop. I notice this odd occurrence since the first day I arrive in this tiny room. So, I go to check out what this spinning exhaust fan is doing in my room. Several nights ago, when I do not open the windows in my room, I whiff the spinning fan is exhausting a smell of shower soap like someone is bathing in the bathroom next door. When the room next door is vacated, I go in to that room. I realise the bathroom in that room has no openings or window-ways to exhaust the heat in the bathroom or release any foul smell from the toilet bowl. All the oddly smell is channeled into my room.

iv)
In Udaipur, there are no lizards. When I inspect the opening or holes of the windows, or a crack and opening gaps in a wall, I find no lizard droppings. The opening in the gaps is clean. I think the lizards are not surviving in this climate which is either too cold or hot but definitely dry. Lizards are best procreate in the warm and moist weather. So, there are plenty of lizards at home in Malaysia. I do not see even one lizard here. And, the sugar pack I leave open on the floor does not attract any ants to the sweet host.

v)
When I check the apps online at dawn, the train ticket is still on a long waiting list. Though the list of waiting is reduced by half, from 60 to 30, but I feel chances of getting a bunk sleeper tonight are very slim. Anyway, the ticketing agent tells me to check again at 5.00 pm when the allocating charts of bunk sleepers are renewed completely, then I may get a bunk sleeper. He asks me not to worry for it. To me, the chances are slim.

~ in palmistry, the art of supposedly predicting the future and describing the character of a person, is done by looking at the lines and other features of the hand, especially the palms and fingers, i am not obsessed into it but i take the palmistry knowledge as a guide when i need at most a word of hope and support, also an encouragement ~

~ the tiny exhaust fan is installed on the wall below the low ceiling in my room, it will exhaust all the heat and smell of the bathroom or toilet from next door into my room, this is oddly very weird ~

~ the train ticketing apps is showing a waiting list of 30, when i check it at dawn today, i am leaving udaipur for delhi by train today at 6.30 pm and expecting to arrive at nizamuddin railway station in delhi tomorrow morning ~

~ the incense sticks are igniting, camphors are flaming, wheat is strewing on the stone by the feet of ganesh, we pray for enough sustenance and adequate subsistence but not anything excessively more ~

Day 42

31.3.2024
Sunday

Udaipur, Rajashtan

While waiting for the water in the kettle to boil, I feel my forehead is getting heavier. I have thought I may lack of sleep, of which I need to sleep for another hour before getting up from bed so that later, when I am in the temple, I'll feel fresh. But oddly, I have my blurry head pulling the sensual of the eye of my mind float. Instantly, I know I have a visitor knocking in my head when they are about to reach my third eye. I let loose the sensual of the mind, and whatever coming in, I let them enter the eye of my mind.

I see a south asian pye-dog, or a very native dog treated a pariah. This dog is an ownerless, half-wild, free-ranging dog that lives close to human settlements but it looks very weak and under nutrition caused by not eating enough of food. When I see this brownish dog at a flash, I notice the dog is also aware that I have noticed its presence in a position reclining on the street. This dog vouches my third eye, and I let it be.

Then comes in another flash. I see another dog, of the same breed but in different colour. This black dog is drenched in water and the entire body is wet. I see the dog shaking off the water on its fur very vigorously. This black dog shivers in cold and hungry. After that I see another two visions of dogs. They are all hungry and waiting to be fed with their front legs curling up to the heads.

I can't do anything for them. I do not know they are whose dogs and their whereabouts. All I know, they are cold and hungry. I know what hunger is about when our stomach is churning in extreme starvation in inanition. At home, the food is abundant but in certain places in India, you don't feel surprise when someone is pulling you up short for rice. I often let my body starve. It is not because I do not have money to buy food but I know, occasional starve will make me to introspect about myself more deeply. I feel very grateful for the food, of any type of food I would have on the dining table serving from the kitchen. At this dawn, I will pray for enough sustenance and subsistence in my daily life. I do not ask for a subsistence more than I need but a cup of grain is making suffice to my need for a day.

When I was in Mt Abu, the brahma kumaris' sister, who was in her early 60s, she had something to iterate to me when the spiritual centre received many NRI visitors coming from the United States of America. The NRI is a non-resident indian who is living outside India but a citizen of India. She said to me, "In my village, we have lived shortage of food over a period of time when I was younger. That has caused death when there was famine."

"I come from a poor village in Tamil Nadu. We endure a lot of suffering because we are poor, and we live below the subsistence level. We live under a dollar a day with no food. When there is no food, there is also no education for our children," she added.

She asked me, "Do you know what we eat when we have no food?"

She answered her own question when I began to pay more attention to her, she responded by saying, "We dig the root bulbs from the ground to eat when there is no rainfall to water our plants in the farm."

Then she asked me, "Where do you come from?"

I replied to her, "I am from Malaysia."

She said because I came from Malaysia, I would have known what was poor and having no money to buy grains. I agreed with her because when she said as such, I trusted she knew a lot about Malaysia. There may not be a famine in Malaysia, but there were some hardcore poverty striving for daily food and shelters.

Then she said to me, "Many NRI visitors have forgotten their roots. When they emigrated to America, they begin to live a good live there. The way they approach us when they return to India is the highlight how they perceive their countrymen. They may not have shunned their countrymen but they have us with some disdain."

Then she did not wish to describe further. I got her message very clearly.

At dawn just now, I see many devotees come to the temple with a small plastic bag in their hand. The plastic bag contains grains in it. Some of them have brought wheat and barley or corn seeds, while others have green beans or black dhal in their plastic bags. One devotee gets a scoop of the wheat from her hand and puts it down on the stone of the little shrine where Ganesh sits on it. Then, she ignites some black incense sticks and put the two camphors in flame. Seeing her performing the rituals at the feet of the deity, I clang the bell three times.

It is a ritual performs by hindus to pray for sustenance and subsistence. They ask for livelihood in abundance from god when they put the seeds and beans at the feet of the deities. If you collect the grains, you are collecting a share of the sustenance from them that was given by god. In catholicism, it is the daily bread the catholics pray for sustenance. In hinduism, the nourishment of sustenance given by god is represented by the seeds and beans.

I touch the wheat strewn on the stone at the shrine gently and lightly, because I take the ritual very seriously that I am also praying for my sustenance, a small one, hoping to come enough to me everyday from god.

~ the online apps is telling me, i am still on a long waiting list in allocating to me a sleeper bunk ~

Day 41

30.3.2024
Saturday

Udaipur, Rajashtan

I arrive at Udaipur last saturday before noon. I am already a week here. Upon arriving at the hostel, very soon I fall in love with Udaipur.

I like Udaipur because Jagdish temple is only twenty steps away from the hostel. The devotees who come for pooja before dawn every day have a virtuous reverence to Jagannath and Sri Krishna. Everyday, they come so early, they are absolutely earlier than me waiting at the steps by the flank of the statues of elephants for the thick and huge wooden doors to open. I'll try to beat them making myself earlier than them tomorrow.

I wake up at 3.00 am everyday, but sometimes I feel a little tired, I get up from bed an hour later. At around 3.30 am, I start to organise my idea in the mind before I begin to write the skeleton of the blogs. There is no rush to organise my idea for blog writing because after I get back from temple around 8.30 am, I'll be in a more serious mood to begin writing. Usually the writing of a page of blog will take around three to four hours before I get them to be posted on the blogpost.

This morning I get out from the hostel at 5.00 am and I purposely clad in all white. I wear a white long-sleeve shirt and white dothi. The attendant is not around at ground floor to open the door for me. So, I call him thrice. Then I notice he comes in from outside. I ask him where has he gone at this darkness when the stray dogs are howling so anxiously for territory. He comes in with another two companions. He says, they are just loitering and hanging out outside the hostel but no any other reasons.

I am hungry at 5.00 am, but I can't eat till it is 7.00 am. At this time, it is the water drinking hour. I need to drink to keep me hydrated. I have to eat my meals with proper discipline. I can't eat immediately when I feel hungry. So, I bring along three pieces of brown bread and two small red tomatoes by keeping them in the plastic bag of the Gardenia bread I bring from home. Outside home while backpacking, even a small plastic bag is a valuable treasure when it is in need. So I keep this Gardenia's green-blue plastic bag with me since the day I arrive in India.

I like the hostel but the drawback is, I still can't strike a balance in my daily diets in this famous tourist city where everyone is aimed as the target of big spender tourist. Everything is expensive because of touristic attraction. I need to eat properly, because of that, I need to get back to Delhi. Surprisingly, Delhi's street food is very affordable.

Anyway, I like my room quite a lot. I may have a very small single-bed room but the tiny space has a big window. When I sleep, my legs are pointing to the inward-opening of the two-piece wooden windows. When I open the windows at dawn, the ventilation of fresh air gets into the room. Otherwise when I close the windows during sleeping, the small room may get a little stale but not any stuffy. This hostel is marvelous because of the youthful people taking care of the hostel and the guests are all young people.

At the rooftop restaurant near Pichola lake, I tell the kitchen man not to make for me any chapati. I have been eating my set-rice-meals at this rooftop restaurant for several days and there is already a buildup goodwill between me and that kitchen man. I order the medium-meal, which is the rice meal that is prepared with two small bowls of subji, a small bowl of curd, a piece of papadam, some salad piece, and of course he will roll four small pieces of chapati under his rolling pin for this set meal. But, the portion of rice is a quarter cup. So, I ask the kitchen man to do away the chapati. I tell him I do not need to eat chapati but give me a full serving of white rice. I ask him very politely, and the outcome is, I get a bigger portion of white rice. I speak very politely because I fear I may offend him. The north indian people eat more chapati than rice, or they don't eat rice at all. When I say, do away with chapati, I say it very cautiously, I am a rice belly barrel.

While eating, the kitchen man comes to me. He asks me whether I have enough of rice. Otherwise, he has an extra cup of white rice in the kitchen. I think for two seconds. My eating lust is telling me to eat but my intellect is saying no to overeat. I may be very hungry, but in the hunger, I should eat adequately, not overly full. I need to control my eating lust when starve. So, I tell the kitchen man, no, I have enough. Then I pay him Rs180 for the rice meal.

I am leaving Udaipur by train on monday. I'll be back to Delhi by taking Mewar Express that is expected to leave Udaipur City at 6.30 pm. When I check the status of my ticket online just now, the waiting list is at 60. I feel it is unlikely to get a sleeper bunk judging by the long waiting list on queue. However, the ticketing agent tells me, the chances of getting a sleeper bunk is still high. I may not know till the final hour before the train departs from the station. He asks me to check the status of my ticket again for the final update at best an hour before the departure.

I have planned in my mind. At worst, I will sleep on the floor in the middle between both the compartment bunks. I will lay on the floor my white dothi and top it with my sleeping bag. This is a common sequence following commuters insist to travel on the train but not allocated a bunk due to the waiting list. I have not tried sleeping on the floor of the walkway this far. When I need to sleep on the floor of the train, I need to be mentally and emotionally ready for that short stint of sleeping hours, because the walkway now is used to sleep by me.

When I am back to Delhi, I will submit my train ticket that is purchased in advance two weeks ago at the foreign tourist counter for refund. I am supposed to return to Delhi from Mt Abu on the 6th of April, but because I leave Mt Abu early, this ticket is redundant. It is also, I leave Mt Abu earlier than expected, I get several days to meet Jasmine in Delhi and we could travel in Delhi together.

~ after saying my piece of thought to the kitchen man, he serves me a two-cup of white basmati rice but no more chapati, the portion of white rice is definitely more than yesterday, and i can say now, at least i am full with this amount of rice, i give a thumbs-up for this set meal ~

~ i open the windows at the amrit vela hours before dawn, the room becomes very airy and i feel fresh sitting in the room doing nothing but drinking plain water by many mugs ~

~ this train ticket is redundant now, i am not returning to delhi from mt abu as planned earlier, i decide not to buy train ticket in advance because as always i do change my routes and time of travelling ~

~ this is god, god resides on the stone smearing in red kumkum with flame igniting from champor, at jadish temple in dark before dawn, god has no forms, but to the weak and oblivious man like me, god exists in various attributes, in the stone sculptures, wood carvings or even fire flames, god is there to see, listen and know everything including the past and future, i confess my everything to god ~

Day 40

29.3.2024
Friday

Udaipur, Rajashtan

Two nights ago, Jasmine contacted me through whatsapp. She asked my whereabouts now. She was my colleague when I was a white-collar executive in a book publishing company in Bangi. When I told her I am in north India now, and I will return from Udaipur to Delhi very soon on next monday, she would want to pay me a visit in Delhi. Immediately she decided she must come to Delhi. I told her I was on a backpacking trip but the way she replied to me, she already expected to stay in a budget lodge and eat a simple food by the street eateries.

Last night, we were in contact again. She told me, she had bought the flight tickets from the budget airlines online. On the return flight from Delhi to KLIA, she managed to secure a flight ticket of the same airplane I will board when I get home to Malaysia. Before she bought the tickets, according to her, it's either she will return home a day earlier or on the same day together with me depending on the availability of seats. However, she managed to secure this flight ticket last night. I did not know how she secured this ticket at the final hours because I bought this ticket three months ahead. Sometimes, airlines offer cheaper tickets at the final hours than buying them in advance by months. With the full tickets in hands, this means, we are boarding the same flight and returning home to Malaysia with Sri Lankan airlines. From Delhi, we are going to get a layover for several hours in Colombo before the airplane continues its journey to KLIA. We should be arriving at KLIA on the 12th of April.

So, this morning I write to Jasmine. I ask her to send me her full e-tickets to my mobile phone. I need this assurance of details, because she will be arriving at Indira Ghandi International Airport on next wednesday night, I'll meet her at the airport by taking the metro that is extremely efficient. The metro connects Paharganj, the enclaves of the budget travellers, to the airport with only one interchange at Hauz Khas station. My only fear that the metro will stop run early before midnight. Then we may need to take a taxi or autorickshaw from the airport to Paharganj. Jasmine's touching down at the airport is considered late night. When I check her itinerary, the airplane is expected to land at 10.05 pm. I am getting myself ready to bargain with the autorickshaw driver for the riding fare if the last metro runs by 11.00 pm and stops then.

When I write to her this morning, I suggest to her several temples and spiritual sites we may visit next week. But I tell her, most of the time in Delhi, we will be doing nothing. In the nothing doing, I suggest to her, we will rest our minds and perhaps sitting in the railway station watching people go by their daily lives. This is how I spend my days because I always pick to live near to the railway stations. The railway stations may be crowded and most of the time are chaotic, it is the train-watching known unforgettable. The train-whistles, their rumbling wheels, and screeching brakes, have many pictures embedding in my memory as they go by my sight.

I also ask Jasmine whether she has ridden a train in India. She tells me no. I tell her, I'll try to make a short day trip on train with her to elsewhere for her to experience the fun of riding a local train in India. The whereabout destination of riding the train is not known till I get back to Delhi next week. I'll need to go to the foreign tourist counter to find the availability of train tickets. If the train tickets are all sold out, I will tell Jasmine, she has to take the train next time on the future trip in India.

This early dawn when I get into the temple, I feel god's existence. God is sitting on the stone smeared with red kumkum near a little shrine where Ganesh sits on it. There are two small flames ignited from the white champor putting on the stone. I ask from god, who sits on that stone to give me a healthy body. Other than that, I do not ask for anything. Hindus have a very sensible teaching, there is no unity of only one attribute of god. God can come in different forms and attributes, by taking the example of several blind men touching the different parts of an elephant, each of them may describe the elephant very diversely and differently. It is the same teaching in hinduism, god's attributes vary and the hindu pandits or scholars may describe god as a unity single form whereby the oblivious man will see god as an attribute of an image he is taking into his heart. So, god can never be the same to every living being on earth. My god is your god and your god can also be my god. This is hinduism. It is about religious and spiritual attributes in toleration, which have never got confused in our minds.

On my birthday today, I am right on the dot of 50. At 50, I notice my muscles and physical strength have deteriorated by a lot but my mind stays younger. I only pray for health. Only with health, I can go seek for god. Without health, I can't reach his presence in any forms he may appear to me.

When I get back to the room, I receive a text from John. He sends a birthday greeting to me. He asks about my travel whether do I get more pure and virtuous. I thank him for his jest. I suggest to him, why not reading my blog about my progress in north India. I also receive a nudge from Lee Ong. We had a meet up in Sikkim 12 years ago when we were younger. I also introduce my blog to him and his wife. I have not revealed I have a blog writing to anyone till today because I have no flair of writing, and the blog is mere a diary. I write down of what have happened to me each day but not anything deeper than that. After finished writing, I post it on the blogpost. Someone may have read them but I assume they are not my known friends. Until today, only my family would have read them when I post them on the site.

I intend to accumulate them till I have reached a larger deposit of postings. I may wish to share them with my friends now when the postings have reached 200 posts.

~ this is jagdish temple, a view taken from the side entrance of north gate ~

~ myself right at the dot of 50 today, i ask for vaishnavite tilaka to apply on my forehead, my birth day vrata i must confess, contemplate, and reflect with more humility, i may have a low self ego in introspecting but god says, lets do it completely without you have of yourself ~

~ so far, this is the best rice meal I eat, kidney beans cook in thick consistencies serving with hot white rice ~

Day 38

28.3.2024
Thursday

Udaipur, Rajashtan

The attendant of the hostel who is at downstairs has come up to knock my door just now before 5.30 am. He wants to know whether I would go to temple today. When he knocks my door, I open the door very quickly because I am ready to go out anytime. I am excited for the pooja at Jagdish temple at this early wee hour. Before I leave the room, he asks me whether I would want to order any food in advance for eating later at the rooftop or even, in the room.

I tell him very politely, no. I prefer to eat out.

When I arrive at a new place, first things first, after settling with the bags, I will go out to look for food that suits my diet. I will at first look out for rice meal at the street eateries. If there is no street food, I will check out at the menus of the smaller or lower end restaurants for white rice meal. In the area of the hostel here, because it is in the middle of Udaipur, and also a hot tourist spot, I do not find street eateries but there are plenty of rooftop restaurants above the rooms where tourists and visitors live.

Almost all the rooftop restaurants here are exclusively cater for foreign and local tourists running by the lodge owners, and that makes sense they are expensive. Even if there are cheaper rooftop restaurants, the food prices are not backpacker friendly because at any time, I take the price of rice meal as a comparison, it is triple or quadruple the price of white rice meal I pay in the street of Delhi. When I pay for food, I always take the price of the street food in Delhi as a comparison with the food prices elsewhere, and instantly, I will know what is the real consumer price to the common people who are the locals living in that area.

A simple rice meal serving with some dhal or beans costs around Rs180 to Rs250, or RM11 to RM15, which are not far behind the prices of the rice meal selling in the foodcourt of KLCC. The prices of the food here are not genially friendly to the backpackers whom have smaller budget to spend while staying in Udaipur. I assume the prices of the continental or western food are also not cheap. Anyway, I do not eat any food other than the rice meals. Surprisingly, many rooftop restaurants have chinese chowmein and chinese fried rice in their menus.

I would say, the Indian white rice serving with dhal or beans is a healthy diet on top of other choices of food I find in their menus. I do not order fried food because I try my best to avoid it if I can. When I order my rice meal, I always tell the kitchen attendant to cook for me without oil. The food outside from home is very oily. When I order indian rice pulao, or chinese fried rice or chowmein, while I eat, I see thick oil dripping from my spoon. Imagine, at home when we cook a dish of the size of a bowl for everyone of the family, we cook that dish with only a spoon of cooking oil, but the kitchen men cook the rice pulao, fry the rice or chowmein for an order of a plate with a full ladle of oil. I call this, silent killer.

Two days ago, I walked to the bazaar area about a mile away from Jagdish chowk to look out for rice meals. I did not find eateries along the way but I found two AC restaurants attached to their hotels. So, I have no choice but to eat my lunches and dinners back to the rooftop restaurants near the chowk of Jagdish temple.

I have three more days in Udaipur before I leave for Delhi. I have been adjusting my eating time since the day I arrive in Udaipur and it gets earlier. Because I am eating my lunch around 10.30 am to 11.00 am, I have to eat my dinner earlier. Around 3.30 pm to 4..00 pm, I already sit down at the dining table at the rooftop restaurant. While I am still in Udaipur, I eat brown bread for lunch. I eat four to five pieces of bread with some grapes or chiku. I'll wait till later to eat my rice meal for dinner. I have switched from eating two times of rice meals to one rice meal in a day. But, the diet abnormality will reverse to norm once I am back to Delhi on next monday.

There is a reason why I need to eat plenty of white rice in a day. If I eat sufficient amount of white rice, the bowel cleansing in the next morning is natural and easy. White rice may be high in carbs, but it is also rich in fibre. I need the fibre of white rice in my diet to move the faeces through the bowel and out the anus when I am in the toilet every morning. The amount of water I drink and with the fibre I eat, I also release the retention of unwanted energy turning into bowel gas from the lower colon out together with the faeces. When anyone says he or she has a smooth bowel, that should include release of gas retention in the lower abs during the bowel cleansing in the toilet.

It was a serious matter, not a joke when once I had faecal constipation and the bowel movement stopped for several days. I had a bloated lower abs when the colon and rectum were blocked and the gas retention in the lower abs was bad. I can't sit neither sleep comfortably due to the irritation at the cause of constipation.

Every time once after I passed motion, I will cup my hands together thanking god for making my body function as it should be, and being healthy enough to pass motion very naturally. When the faeces and including the unwanted energy are out through the anus, immediately I feel light and good overall my body. I have to thank god for giving me this ability of physical function that this excitation is capable to cause reduction in heart rate and blood pressure, I call it an ecstasy of bodily pleasure.

~ chole chawal, or we call it curry chickpeas serve with white rice ~

~ curd chawal, or a thick soft substance that forms when milk turns sour known as curd, then mix it with the hot white rice, it tastes a little sour and salty after adding some salt in it, it's a healthy rice meal if without sprinkling on top of the rice with the chilli oil ~

~ lemon rice at new delhi railway station ~

~ tomato rice at new delhi railway station ~

~ subji chawal, or mixed vegetable rice ~

~ aloo chawal, potatoes cut in small pieces, cook in turmeric gravy ~

~ an ordinary rice meal I eat in paharganj ~

~ this plate of serving looks complete, but the drawback is the small portion of white rice, i need more rice than giving me four pieces of chapati, this is in udaipur for Rs180 ~

~ the sculpture figure of jagannath is an artwork found on the wall of the jagdish temple, it is an intricate carving usually upholds on the pillars of the temples in north india, lord jagannath is also known as narayana or vishnu ~

Day 37

27.3.2024
Wednesday

Udaipur, Rajashtan

The Jagdish temple next door plays kirtan songs through its loud hailer. When I check the time, it's already 5.30 am. I am waiting in the room for the door of the temple to open. Yesterday when I check the opening hour of the temple with the security guard, he tells me during winter, the door of the temple will open at 5.30 am and when it comes to summer which is very soon, they are opening earlier at 5.00 am. I feel I have no extra problem to solve because by 4.30 am, I am already out from bed.

Yesterday morning at the same time, I went down to the hostel door. I intended to go to the temple. When I wanted to open the door, I noticed the hostel's door was locked with a padlock. No one was attending to the reception counter. So, l could not go out. Later, I told the hostel attendant I have to go out at dawn tomorrow and the following days till next monday, I was given a mobile number. It was the hostel attendant's mobile number. He said to me, if I found no one at the reception counter at any time when I needed to go out from the hostel, I may call his number.

Jagdish temple is twenty steps away from the hostel I stay. I take off my slippers, then I climb the steps of the temple. From the main entrance, the steps are no high but a little steep. By the time I reach the temple, I see a small crowd of people, all indians are already in the compound of the sanctum praying to lord Jagannath. In hinduism, lord Jagannath is also known as Narayana, or another name of Vishnu. Jagdish temple is a large hindu temple in the middle of Udaipur, just outside the royal palace. It is a 373 year old temple built in 1651.

I pay obeisance to lord Jagannath then I sit on the floor outside the sanctum. Sitting in front of me are a group of around ten elderly indian women. All of them wear saree and they are singing devotional bhakti songs. There is no hand-pump organ in play. They are singing with the clanging of small hand cymbals. I am attracted to the rhythm. I have wanted to join them signing but I do not understand the sanskrit language they are singing. I notice on the floor, there are two extra pairs of hand cymbals leaving unattended by anyone. So, I walk to the front and I get one pair. I clang the cymbals as they continue to sing their bhakti.

They sing for half and hour. By 6.15 am, they stop singing. In the middle of Udaipur, the sunrise is 6.15 am at this mid spring. When the sky gets brighter, everyone disperses from the compound of the sanctum. They leave the temple. I assume they will come again tomorrow to the temple when the dawn is virtuous a sattva before the sun rises from the horizon.

I go down from the compound of the sanctum and I sit on a chair to meditate. I pray to lord Jagannath for my health. My health is not good because I am down with several illnesses. I pray for healing of the recent infection over the nasal cavity. I notice some pus coming out from the septal cartilage through the right nostril. When I breathe, I get a whiff of the foul-smelling odour of pus. So, I get a piece of tissue paper to swab the pus in the nostril. The swab turns red-brown on the tinge of pus coming out from the nose. My nose is swollen and it's painful when I touch them. The nasal polyps, or the balls in my nasal are swollen. I have a swollen polyps that block the passage of the breathing airway. I have a severe nose block causing a difficulty to breathe when I sleep.

Yesterday afternoon, I went to the nearby pharmacy to get medicine for the infection in the nose that has been haunting me for two weeks. I told the pharmacist, "I have a nasal infection and pus comes out from my nostril. It's painful. I also can't breathe properly because the nasal passage is blocked."

"I intend to get some antibiotics from you. I am looking for amoxicillin. Will you prescribe this antibiotics for me? And this prescription is lasting for how many days? Five days?" I asked the pharmacist who was sitting at the counter.

The pharmacist asked me, "How long have you been facing this nasal problem?"

I told him, "It's two weeks already. It is less painful in the beginning but lately, it turns worse. I am worry for it."

Then, he went to the shelf. Very quickly he withdrew a small box of antibiotics from the shelf. He said to me, "You shall take amoxicillin for five days. After five days, you should get well."

"Do you want some medicine for the painful nose and swelling nasal polyps? I have anti-inflammation drugs for your pain. When you take these tablets, you should feel better," he asked me.

I nodded to him. I told him absolutely I needed anti-inflammation drugs. I also asked for anti-histamine medicine for nose block from him.

Altogether, I got three types of medicine. I felt emotionally, I eased down when I can quickly get the drugs from the pharmacist without the paper prescription issuing by a doctor.

I feel much better this morning after only two oral intake of these drugs by me. But I fear the infection in the nose is a malign symptom of cancer. I need to get a thorough medical check-up with an ENT surgeon when I have returned home next month.