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Defeated Nights

Defeated For Some Foolish Reasons

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View Journey 2013 on Quah Khian Hu's travel map.

(What you see in the photo is what I  see in the darkness)

(What you see in the photo is what I see in the darkness)


After a long wait for a trip, the first days arriving in a foreign land would always blow us away with a sense of euphoric feeling but often in contrary, it is not the case. Many times we feel defeated for some foolish reasons.

Living the first days in the village of Tiruvannamalai was an example of how I was defeated. Why not? Try out these reasons yourself and find whether would you be defeated the same foolish way I was.

Say, you have been driving an automatic car at home but now car is an out-of-order luxury commodity for you, instead you only have manual limbs to barge on dirt paths day and night. Say, perhaps you have been an auditor like me, you couldn’t comprehend but must single out every reason, you scratched your head hard thinking why ticks are not labelled as a quick becoming extinct bugs than seeing them hovering in your bed jollying for an eat-all-you-can feast. Say, you have been doing well to hold back your nervous from dropping out but suddenly you spotted more suspicious dark shadows harrowing in the darkness of the bushes. And say, you have been almost successful trying a greatest degree to deafen your ears but then, the creepy howling blow of stray dogs scares you off more than before, for you believe ghosts are roaming by the howl of those beasts.

I am not pretending to appear macho. Neither am I acting macho. If I were to deny completely that I have not had any nervous breakdown during the scare moments, it is my pure ego to have claimed bravery as such. To have such a claim, I may not be revealing the truth from my heart. To kill much of my ego, I learn to lower down myself and admit that I do sometimes had nervous breakdown and at times I am too a fool.

Do you have the tendency of being defeated for the same reasons? If yes, you too are a fool.

Now, leave foolish scares away for a moment.

After the first dinner, the night was shattered by a sudden cloudburst. Each drop of rainfall splashed the dirt on the ground. As the rain falling down, I watched the ground turned damp, then became muddy and slushy. The rain never stopped but turned vehemently raging. Going home, it was still a long walk. I sat waiting by the staircase at the entrance of Siva Sannidhi while watching the powerful splashes of rainfall dropping like troops of army combating the frontline.

The night in Tiruvannamalai begins very early. By 8pm, the village is already idled down and most of the streets lamps are erratically functioning at its wish. Later on the way home, in the darkness, I saw no one other than hearing only the footsteps of my own. My heart was beating fast.

I learnt a lesson that night. I felt I was left in a lurch finding way home in the darkness. When a person sees in the darkness, we’ll see it with a varying view finding through the viewfinder of our eyes. What you have seen in the bright time may have been different to what you may have seen in the darkness now.

One old saying is truer than true. While you walk ahead, halt for a while and look backward. What you see while you look backward has a varying degree of view finding to what you may have seen while you walk ahead just now.

When the sun rises the next morning, the feeling of defeat is faded away along with the first ray of the sun. People begin to hail to the streets again. This is the village life in Tiruvannamalai. The village gets busy again and begins to see many pilgrims, local Indians and outsiders alike walking around to the temples and ashrams like yesterdays.

My day begins at 7 am. After getting myself a cold shower and a cleaning up, I put on the slippers and make a stride out of the house to Yogi Ram Ashram. It will be a daily routine at least for a month before I have to leave India by beginning of July in abiding to India’s new immigration law.

The full moon festival this month falls on the 22nd, a Saturday. I have a desire to walk circumnavigate the Arunachala hill. To walk circumnavigate the hill for 14 km at night may have avoided the heat from the sun. But, considering the night security, I may need to option out the night walk as I have to walk alone an extra distance in order to get home to the village. I would have to exercise a preventive caution against the night bandits more than fearing the night harrowing ghosts. Which one you fear more? Tell me. Kill your ego and be honest to yourself.

Posted by Quah Khian Hu 04:40 Archived in India

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